A Bullshire Police Officer who admitted to having a poo on duty has been allowed to keep his job.
Earlier this week, a
witch hunt publicly held tribunal heard that a Bog Standard Response Officer had the audacity to empty his bowels before going to an incident in Bullshire which, ironically, turned out to be a big pile of poo itself.
From the comfort of his ivory tower equipped with luxurious en-suite facilities, Bullshire’s top cop – Chief Constable Sir Mason Lodge (GCSE/MBSE) – said “I haven’t responded to an incident for 28 years so I can go for a poo whenever I want to. However, Bullshire Police has professional standards and, to be honest, the thought of a Bog Standard Response Officer having a poo puts me off my elevenses.”
witch hunt publicly held tribunal heard that a promotion hungry shiny trousered so-called “Investigator” within Bullshire’s very very professional Professional Standards Department was installing bugs within the gents of one of Bullshire’s few remaining Police Stations when a Bog Standard Response Officer entered the cubicle next to him.
The so-called “Investigator” told the
witch hunt publicly held tribunal that he heard a beepy noise and a radio message instructing the Bog Standard Response Officer to attend an incident.
“The Bog Standard Response Officer acknowledged the message but continued to poo. I clearly heard the splashing sound as the poo made contact with the surface of the water within the toilet.”
witch hunt publicly held tribunal decided that, because no evidence was revealed to show that the Bog Standard Response Officer wiped his bottom, it could not conclude that pooing on duty amounted to gross misconduct; and, instead, ruled that the Bog Standard Response Officer must wear some sort of bag device from now on.
Chief Constable Sir Mason Lodge said “I like to sack as many Bullshire Police Officers as possible so I can replace them with cheaper ones or save the cash to spend on new cars for me and my lazy chums.”
Have you ever witnessed a Bullshire Police Officer having a poo?